Saturday, November 22, 2008
Just a phase???
Just a quick blog while I avoid cleaning the kitchen. Emily is going through a phase (I hope) where she is afraid to be by herself. That means she can't be in any room without me, Steve or Ella. She won't go get her shoes, won't go put something away, won't play by herself, and won't go to the bathroom. Ella helps out a lot by going places with her, but usually goes with her, laughs and then runs away. So then Emily starts bawling and runs back to us. Since I'm a pretty immobile mother right now, I don't like having to take her to every room she needs to go to. The only good thing about it is that during dinner time I tell her that as soon as we finish eating and cleaning, we're leaving the kitchen. That gets her to eat her 5 bites much faster. So, tell me, is this just a phase? How do I help her not be scared? She says she's scared of monsters and drain monsters - why, oh why did I tell her about those!! This all started after Halloween. We had a fan plugged it that would occassionally get bumped and would either turn on or off and we always said that a ghost did it. I also found a funny gag toy in a magazine that was a goblin that you stick under the toilet seat to scare someone. I showed it to Steve and Emily wanted to see it too. So have I ruined my child? I've tried giving her a dinosaur to protect her when she goes places, but that doesn't always work. She also has to sleep with Barney every night again now so that he will protect her. (Don't ask me...) Anyway, don't talk about monsters or ghosts to Emily when you talk to her.
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6 comments:
It must be very hard for E to understand the difference between pretend and reality. I feel that it will pass. You will have to be very patient, which is hard when it seems so silly. But eventually she will regain her independence. I guess I would just try to ignore her and just go about my business. It must be frustrating though!
Sorry to hear about E. I wish I could give you some advice, but I have never had to go through this(knock on wood) Good luck and I hope it doesn't last too long. I agree with mom that you do need to ignore her. I know they get over it faster if you don't give in.
Heather used to be terrified to go downstairs by herself. It was definitely frustrating, although it sounds like it's even worse with Emily! Heather gradually got over it, and I'm sure Emily will too. I read in a magazine one time that you can give your child a spray bottle filled with water and say that it's "monster spray." That way they think they have some way to fight the imaginary monsters and aren't so afraid to be by themselves. Maybe something like that would help, or maybe you can tell her to sing a song so she won't be scared. That's what I used to do when I was little. Good luck! -- Kellie
Dad suggests:
It's not unusual for a child to display phobic behaviors at some point in their development. It's typically a function of a degree of predisposition for anxiety plus some inadvertent vicarious learning as well as all-too-natural attention received for the dramatic avoidance responses when they occur. The best approach I have found is to simply inform the child in a calm, unemotional, matter-of-fact tone of voice that you understand she is scared but that as she gets older she will overcome the fear. This should be repeated on each occasion. Avoid talking about it otherwise, as much as possible. Each time it occurs accompany her through the phobic situation but gradually begin tapering the extent to which you accompany her (e.g. holding her hand or walking with her) and progressively detach yourself. Avoid coaxing her (just "assume" she can do it and will require less and less involvement on your part). Focus on other topics. Break the detaching down in stages in your mind if necessary, staying at each stage until successful.
I won't likely need to wish you luck since with painful persistance it should work.
That's tough, especially for you! I like Dad's advice and I've read the spray bottle idea Kellie shared too. I know Natalia's a lot younger, but she never wanted to go up or downstairs by herself. I just always told her she would be fine and to turn the light on. She still likes to be where I am most of the time but now she'll actually go up and play in her room for a while. That probably doesn't help, but I think it's just important to validate her concerns but also not to overly give into her every time. The more dramatic it is, the more she may like the attention. I'm sure she'll grow out of it soon. In the meantime, luckily she's got Ella! :)
kylie turned 3 in August and she has been displaying a lot of the same behaviors lately. Randomly though she will go into her room by herself or do whatever she was scared to do before. It seems that at night she does it more. I think for her it's partly an attention thing since Annika is only 7 weeks old. There are Monsters at our house and used to be "monsters under the bed" after John put a dinosour poster under her bed and told her they were monters. Duh dad!! Anyhow, now Monsters live in Monstropolis (from the movie) and scary things only come out at Halloween time, but they don't hurt - they're just decoration. Good luck!
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